I’ve listened to a lot of music over the years. Sometimes it’s one of the only ways that I am able to process my feelings in a way that can be considered emotionally healthy. 

When I find myself battling my personal frustrations or the deep feelings of sadness that often plague my thoughts, Sometimes I find that I can’t always express myself outwardly. I tend to bottle things up subconsciously. 

The brain is a powerful thing, yet it can be very self-sabotaging too. I can feel sad, yet not acknowledge the sadness, instead storing it away in some kind of vault where it can’t leave, yet continues to eat away at me from deep within without being addressed. 

I’ve tried many things over the years to remedy such things, yet nothing has come close to the therapy that music can provide. Sometimes it can be a simple piano melody. Other times it can vary from a rock ballad to an orchestral masterpiece. 

It’s hard to explain just why music can have this effect on me. It’s like it provides a borehole leading right into this vault of sadness, allowing some to escape into an area of my concioisness where the emotion can be processed in a healthy way. 

Let’s say I’ve had a crappy day at work. I can be absolutely fine, and all it takes is the right song to be playing, and it can resonate within me in such a fashion that it can open the floodgates for a deluge of emotion. I can be driving home, and then just start crying when a particular song comes on. 

The funny thing is that it’s not just music that can trigger these emotions. It can be other things too. Seeing a small plant clinging to life on the wall of an long abandoned alleyway in a foreign city can be enough to bring forth a powerful emotional response. For me though, it’s always been dramatic landscapes, particularly mountainous ones. 

I recently travelled across Western Canada and Washington State, and seeing the incredible majesty of the mountains there got me thinking about how, geologically speaking, these mountains have been here for mere seconds, yet to us as humans, they have stood for longer than our species have existed. Yet one day, these mountains will be gone. Perhaps before our race ends, perhaps not. 

Turns out that there is a name for this kind of thinking. The Japanese call it “Mono No Aware” which roughly translates to the “Pathos of all things”. All things in life are fragile and impermanent. Everything we know and love is eventually going to fade and pass into the unknown. But at the same time, is that not what makes it beautiful?

I stood watching these stars as they slowly blinked in and out of existence. For all we know, these stars could be long dead, and we look and wonder about ghosts.

As I stood near the summit of the Sulphur Mountain, looking out over the world, I was suddenly struck with a feeling of a deep sadness that one day, that the mountain that I stood upon would one day cease to be exist, and I found myself getting quite emotional. Yet at the same time, I could marvel upon the vista that lay unfurled before me and feel wonder and amazement. 

It’s always been strange to me that I have required the aid of music or mountains to help me process my thoughts. As I have spent the majority of my life living in a state of almost constant anxiety, it seems that it is my default setting. Yet sometimes all I need is a beautiful piece of music combined with a damn good view to help me settle my thoughts. 

Those who know me know I am one of two ways. One of these ways people can see me is sitting quietly, almost as if I am detached from reality or uncaring about what is going on around me. The other way is that I tend to rant about things that have pissed me off that day. 

I can appreciate that from the outside, it doesn’t look great. I’ve been told quite often that I suffer from a “Resting Bitch Face” which would be quite true. 

However, when I am sitting quietly, I am not always detached from the people or the world around me. Admittedly, that can sometimes be the case, particularly after a day where I have been particularly nervous or have had a lot of social interaction which can drain me greatly. 

Most of the time, I simply sit there listening, and trying my hardest to keep myself grounded in the moment. Though it’s not always easy. I’m often quite contented to simply listen, not that I always remember everything I hear. 

Anyway, I guess there’s not much point to this post. If anything, I’ve written it more for me than anybody else. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks, and a lot of things are going wrong. 

I’ll be alright though.